Life as a professional athlete is, without question, a difficult one.  Take David Ortiz for example.  In 2004, his team - the Boston Red Sox - won the World Series after what may be one of the greatest rallies in sports history. But for David, a.k.a "Big Papi," that's when the true arduousness really began.  You see, anytime an athlete accomplishes greatness, also necessary is a certain pecuniary and/or material gift to one's self.  But with a salary of roughly $4.5 million at the time, the list of possible endowments was an extensive one.

So what then to choose?

A 126-carat diamond-encrusted bat to hang from a new 50-inch platinum chain, hand-crafted exclusively for him by Jacob & Co. in between the jeweler's various money-laundering activities? 

Nope. 

What about a condo on South Beach - one featuring a uniquely contemporary motif complete with a rotating, circular bed and 24-karat gold-plated accents throughout? 

Tempting, but still no. 

Alright, one more guess: what about a new Mercedes SL65 AMG - all red to match the team's color - complete with ostentatious Lorinser body-styling, Lowenhart wheels, and a bunch of other crap accessories that further diminish add a touch of "Big Popi" class to the car's original design? 

Perfect.

But the story doesn't end there, ladies and gentlemen, it's just the beginning.  You see, David has placed this gem on eBay, sharing with the world his unique achievement and... in essence... making you part of that winning World Series Boston Red Sox team. In a way, by purchasing this vehicle, you yourself can possess the one item that drove Dave to hit that Game Four two-run shot against the Yankees in the twelfth-inning to extend the series - a vehicle which, in essence, is the sole reason the Boston Red Sox won the World Series.

Think about it.

Every drop of Big Popi's sweat poured into the season... every swing of Big Popi's bat... all went to achieve a singular goal - winning a World Series so that he could reward himself with an exorbitant gift.  If the allure of rewarding himself with that gift wouldn't have been present, Big Popi never would have strived to achieve those game-winning hits.  If Big Popi had never achieved those game-winning hits, the Red Sox never would have won the World Series.

So what it comes down to is this:  by purchasing this vehicle, you're owning the single, individual item responsible for the Boston Red Sox incredible World Series win, making this Mercedes - at least for Red Sox fans - one of the greatest sports relics of all time. 

You're not buying a car - you're buying history.  So get bidding.


[UPDATE:  Unfortunately for Big Papi, the perils of listing your vehicle on eBay have once again reared their ugly head.  Despite reaching a price over $500K, none of the 18 bids were legitimate (as if that were a surprise). 

No word yet on what's to become of the impoverished SL65; although with a current salary of $13.5 million a year, Dave may want to consider taking the less-traveled, charitable-donation path as opposed to the I'm-so-fuckin'-cheap-I'm-going-to-list-my-SL65-on-eBay path.

Just a thought Dave.]